Letting Go of Fear…

Several things have happened recently that have led me to question how much to share of me and my life online…

This is me… an average person – I have days I wake up and think I’m looking pretty good and others when a tired, puffy pig face greets me …. and I don’t know anyone who’s any different really – but the fear of judgement can be intimidating.

So when setting up a blog meant having to put me and my life on the internet, it took me months to relax enough to share more personal words and experiences…. let alone pictures.
(Click the pics or here for dress info)

It was only about 6 months ago that I actually started posting pictures of myself and I was bloody terrified when I did – stupidly so really.

But I know from speaking to other bloggers I’m not alone in that – the anticipation of judgement can be uncomfortable, even if you aren’t generally too self-critical.
By putting yourself out there publicly, you’re opening yourself up for a public response that can be unpredictable.

But it got to the point where I started to feel annoyed with myself for being fearful and decided to just let go, to put my big girl pants on and post a picture!

Afterwards I felt so free and relieved, I questioned why I was so worried and now I really don’t give it a second thought … other than making sure I’m not posting a picture with a giant spot on my chin 😉
So last week when someone I follow on Twitter posted screenshots of comments she’d received on her blog, from a person/group of sick people telling her that she was ugly, she should die AND she should kill her child?!  I felt outraged for her and also, selfishly, wondered how I would feel if I was targeted in that way.

Cue serious face …

I recently got both some unwanted attention and a bit of hate online…

(Although luckily nothing anywhere near like the poor girl I’ve just mentioned).

As I’ve grown in confidence, I’d started to believe that if I ever had any kind of ‘internet hate’ I would be able to just ignore it – because it’s not a real person, you can turn your comments and messages off and you can block them too, right?

So I was quite shocked by how much it affected me when I got some bitchy messages on Instagram recently.

It was actually a fellow blogger who was annoyed I had unfollowed her account. 
The reason I unfollowed her was because I found I wasn’t very interested in her content and as she didn’t follow me back anyway, I didn’t see why it would matter. 
I follow such a large amount of people and I do try to maintain a real relationship with them, so it doesn’t make sense for me to be spending time on people where there isn’t one.
It just seemed so petty…
…. but her messages did upset me for a little while.

Obviously my experience is no way near as serious or even comparable to what that other poor blogger has had to deal with, but it did highlight to me that being on the receiving end of even mild forms of online hate is a very real thing…
 
An uncomfortable and anxiety provoking thing… and just because you aren’t being attacked in the flesh doesn’t mean it doesn’t have any effect.

The other recent situation is the opposite, where I’ve received some unwanted attention – a couple of people who have become rather ‘over-friendly’ shall we say.
Most days I have silly messages that I just delete, or I block the accounts with little further thought…. but I’ve had a couple of incidences where contact started becoming very frequent and intrusive, quite adoring and obsessive, with someone even trying to find out where I live which really freaked me out.
… so all these things led me to the dilemma I was left with – how much should you truly show of yourself online?

No matter how much you tell yourself you can’t please everybody, or that there are just some strange people out there in the world, these things really have made me stop and question how much I am willing to continue to share of myself.


But most people are truly genuine and lovely followers/readers – and you end up caring about those people, appreciating them visiting your blog and honestly, I always feel immensely flattered if someone gives even the slightest shit about what I have to say!

Without sounding too gushy, I really feel we have a little online community and its helped me grow my confidence a ton.

Those people are why I blog … and they want to see you, connect with you on a deeper level and get to know who you truly are – so why should I not let them in and be real?

But equally by doing so, I have to be prepared to open myself up to potential weirdos and abuse too.


So where do you draw the line?

My recent experience has re-highlighted the need for really good internet security, so I’ve taken some extra steps to deal with that.

 Seeing that poor blogger have such a terrible experience let a good dose of doubt and insecurities sneak back in for a while – but ultimately I feel more angry for her than anything… 

Why should a sick, weak minority of people be able to affect our lives?

 
 

 To be free….

To continue to be kind…

 (Prime example of the tired puffy pig face 🐷😂)

… and to just be me.

… and I’ll deal with any negative consequences as and when there are any!

As always, thank you for reading x

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30 Comments

  1. Lucy wright
    March 14, 2018 / 11:50 am

    Love your dress in these pics! Totally agree with you that you have to be careful but also why should you police yourself because others aren’t!

    • March 17, 2018 / 8:50 am

      Thank you! Yes i totally agree….going to just try to ignore them and carry on regardless!

  2. March 15, 2018 / 1:01 am

    I am pretty open with sharing but there are definite;y places I draw the line. I also take extra security steps. I want to be available to my readers but nit in danger. 🙂

  3. March 15, 2018 / 1:13 pm

    I am open to my life to my followers and it makes it more real, yes there are lines you draw and things you don’t share, but my followers know
    when am feeling tired, sad, happy, or relaxed because being “human” it was it should be all about.

  4. March 15, 2018 / 3:20 pm

    Okay, 1st, let me say that what you’ve termed “puffy pig face” is a portrait of beauty and perfection! You are beautiful!! Girlfriend, you are gorgeous: inside and out!!! That’s right, breath it in. Your post is very close to heart, Love. It is what we all face daily as we begin the process of awakening to our own brilliance: both to our light and to the shadow sides of ourselves that we have disowned. I was once told by a very dear friend, “You don’t get to where you are without being around the block a few times.” It stuck with me b/c, as we become more and more ourselves, we will realize EXACTLY what you’ve stated: be you – be free – everyone else is already taken (and no one else’s opinion matters more about you, than your very own). Welcome home to the Love you are <3

  5. March 16, 2018 / 10:26 pm

    You just keep being a bloody gorgeous, smart and witty gal and let them live their lives of negativity. Let it just sweep over you like those rays of sun in your photos! We love you 🙂 xx

    • March 17, 2018 / 8:46 am

      What lovely words….Thank you so much gorgeous that really means alot! ❤❤❤

  6. March 17, 2018 / 2:41 am

    You do you! Your images are beautiful!

  7. Nicci
    March 18, 2018 / 1:42 pm

    I love your blogs and your honesty. It’s interesting that people feel they can be so hurtful online; In away they wouldn’t/ couldn’t to people’s faces. Your pictures are beautiful, don’t let people take away your achievements. Look forward to your next installment.
    Nicci

    • March 19, 2018 / 1:55 pm

      Thank you… yes I suspect they would be far less brave in real life… I dread to think what it must feel like for people who get really badly or consistently trolled!

  8. March 18, 2018 / 2:52 pm

    It’s such a fine line between being open and honest with readers – after all, you’re creating community! – but also protecting yourself. Putting yourself out there on the internet honestly really requires a thick skin to not take the trolls seriously. You are doing GREAT and I love what you share, so keep letting go of fear!!

    • March 19, 2018 / 1:54 pm

      Yes you are soo right, it is a fine line and I guess I’m still finding where that line is for me! Thank you x

  9. March 18, 2018 / 8:58 pm

    Tiffany, I am glad you took fear on and stepped through it. It is always so amazing and empowering on the other side. When we put ourselves out there there are always nay-sayers and more, they come at us. You have the choice, to either let it take you over (which I know you won’t because you are so strong) or we can unfollow and not dance in that nasty negative energy.

    You have peeps that have your back.

  10. March 18, 2018 / 9:10 pm

    Sorry that someone was so incredibly unkind. People are so petty sometimes – it absolutely amazes me. I love your content, and I’m so glad that you’ll continue giving little snapshots into your life. I appreciate all of your advice and your excellent, excellent taste. Keep being you, Tiffany!

    • March 19, 2018 / 1:53 pm

      Thank you! Yes I will….not going to let anyone spoil things – there are people who have experienced far worse than I have, it really does need policing somehow!

  11. March 19, 2018 / 1:21 am

    Loved reading this! I think there’s something about being online and not being with the person face to face that makes some people think it’s okay to be rude or creepy. So sorry you’ve had to deal with this — you’re always so positive on instagram and I love it!

    • March 19, 2018 / 1:51 pm

      Thank you! And I’m so glad you find my content positive because that’s what I aim for! 🖤

  12. Linda Davis
    March 19, 2018 / 8:15 am

    I love your blogs Tiff and this one is very special just like you. Continue to be yourself…. love your style and your pictures. With love 😘😘😘

    • March 19, 2018 / 1:50 pm

      Thank you Lin 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

  13. March 19, 2018 / 5:15 pm

    Tiffany, let me tell you first of all, you come across so confident, free spirited and full of powerful positive energy in your posts and pictures. I haven’t had any online abuse but know plenty of people who have and it’s horrible. I’m sorry you’ve experienced that as well as the unwanted attention. When you’re out there in the public domain there’s not much you can do but remember that the trolls are simply that, trolls. Try and ignore them but if things do get bad like the other blogger, speak to the police. Another great bog with equally lovely pictures, no puffy pig faces in sight!

  14. March 20, 2018 / 11:29 am

    There are different kinds of people online and I think how much ever good we post or what all personal stuffs we like to blog or put up in social media…haters are always gonna hate. We cant satisfy everyone…I remember a quote by Dita Von teese – You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in this world .But, there’s still gonna be someone who hates peaches…..I think It’s upto you on how much of your personal space you want to post public….People are always judgemental..Not everyone is the same and people will have different reactions….You continue doing what you love and be 100 % happy <3 <3 your pics are really stunning and you are doing amazing with your blog!!!

    • March 20, 2018 / 12:55 pm

      Thank you so much! And I LOVE that quote!!

  15. March 20, 2018 / 12:29 pm

    Great choice to not let it get to you or keep you from doing what you love! You will find that when people project their opinions on you, it’s really about them and their insecurities. It could be they are too insecure to write a blog or post pictures of themselves or follow their dreams. Whatever the case, it usually is never about you. So ignore it and keep doing you because you are awesome!

    • March 20, 2018 / 12:54 pm

      Thank you Kristie that is brilliant advice!

  16. March 20, 2018 / 4:14 pm

    loved your honesty here. The online world can be such a cruel place but then so beautiful….. all we can do is control OUR actions. xx

  17. March 20, 2018 / 9:44 pm

    Such a great post! It’s true that putting yourself out there can be really nerve wrecking! I’m glad you were able to rise above any petty haters and just do you! Lovely photos <3

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