“I thought I would learn a lot about myself but I feel like instead I’ve learned more about others.”
It’s 1am and I’m working in a few hours time, desperately trying to convince my busy, slightly anxious brain to be quiet … but no amount of gentle or caffeine free supposedly calming persuasion seems to be working… so here I am.
What I want to say is that I’ve seen soooo many things about people saying how they have learned to really appreciate their life because of Covid and quite honestly, I can’t say the same thing.
I already knew being separated from family was crazy painful.
I already knew being healthy is something to be cherished.
I already knew freedom is hugely important to me and therefore lockdowns and the inability to travel would make me feel very frustrated and at times, quite low.
I already knew money can only buy brief, passing moments of (shopping) happiness.
I already knew I have a distaste for politicians and the way the media manipulate and scaremonger.
… and I already knew I don’t really know what the hell I’m doing with my life right now!🤣
So these recent limitations to life haven’t really changed the way I’m living in a bigger sense.
BUT seeing people come together to help others – to fight for what they believe in or to buy food and clothes for people left homeless or jobless because of the pandemic’s resulting financial problems – the effects of Covid have make me realize there is far more good in people out there in the world than I maybe gave them credit for and so perhaps that in itself will be more life-changing for me than anything.
What I say next is not coming from a place of playing a victim or feeling sorry for myself, just basic facts from my life experiences…. and that is I didn’t tend to see or look for the good in people. I didn’t generally expect kindness and instead quietly guarded myself, prepared for the worst, being pleasantly surprised if people turned out to have genuine and good intentions …. and that sounds quite negative but I really don’t mean it in a dramatic way. I just have realized I have lived being cautiously pessimistic in recent years.
However, living on a tiny Island that pretty much exists due to tourism, seeing people unable to feed their families and other members of the community who have next to nothing doing everything they can to provide food and clothes for them, seeing movements around the world whether for or against the way the virus is being handled – seeing strength in numbers on social media in a positive way for once instead of just mindlessly talking about how fat or thin celebrities are or what the IT dress of the season is – it’s all just kind of restored some of my faith in human nature!
Maybe I will read through this in the light of day and think what the hell were you waffling on about Tiff and apologies for this being a bit of a brain dump, but I’m just reflecting on the surprising positives of this situation.
I thought I would learn a lot about myself but I feel like instead I’ve learned more about others.
I think what prompted these thoughts are because yesterday I had a lovely day off work, I went to a beauty salon, I went to a shopping center and bought two new dresses and I came home feeling great and then read about some poor lady standing outside of a supermarket trying to sell used perfume and her children’s socks so she could buy food…. and I felt that the shittest, most spoilt and ignorant person!
I would do anything for my friends, I would do anything for animals and if somebody needs my help whether they are a stranger or not I will try to help….. but I’ve never done anything to actively help people apart from working in Psychotherapy for a while. I honestly never had a genuine desire to help strangers, I think I was too wrapped up in my own life and concern for my friends and family but I feel like now I can see so much more good in people, I want to be one of them and do something constructive… And I want to do so, not to feel more good about myself but because other people matter and other people deserve it.
So I don’t know exactly what that’s going to be, what that looks right now but I know it’s something I need to do in my life. Some kind of helping purpose I guess.
Well…. congratulations if you’ve made it this far through my ramblings and again, apologies for the slightly self-indulgent waffle… this was a bit of a digital journal if you like.
Maybe you can relate and maybe you can’t, either way, if you have a view on what I’ve been saying let me know and I’d love to know what this pandemic has brought up for you.
Stay safe. Stay connected to those you love.